i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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