you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
sarcasm needs its own font
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
