a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
