I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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