my phone needs a breathalizer
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize