Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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