So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
