Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
