I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Randomize