I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
