I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
