and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
