Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
did i just pee glitter
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