Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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