Duck Duck Cougar?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
