Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
