wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
