She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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