wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
