You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Randomize
