question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
