i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
