There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
