She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
