maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
