Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
