bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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