he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
bring money and cleavage
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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