She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
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