Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
