It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize