apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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