Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
