K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
