My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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