From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
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