I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
