ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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