Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
