I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
