Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
