I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
