Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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