A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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