I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
