Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
home. puking in laundry basket.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
