I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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