i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
