i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
