apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
