This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize