Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
