you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
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