So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize