His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
