I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
