ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
