i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
