I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Dick very happy bro
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
