I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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