seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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