i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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