mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
