just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
