I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
