It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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