there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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