I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
