I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
