i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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