My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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