the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
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