drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
