She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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