well I can't set my house on fire every night
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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